Recent Posts in Child Custody and Visitation Category

I am not a fan of horror movies, but earlier today I watched what turned out to be the scariest movie I have ever seen:  Father of the Bride.  Not the original 1950 film with Spencer Tracy, Joan Bennett, and Elizabeth Taylor, but the 1991 remake with Steve Martin.  Although I had seen the film many times before, it wasn't until today that a tremendous fear settled over me, like hearing Jack Nicholson say, "Here's Johnny!" as he breaks down a door with an axe in The Shining.

My little girl will turn eleven soon.  Her mom and I spent the first five years of her life fighting over her before we realized how futile our battles were.  We were so concerned with our own agendas that we were missing out on just being Mom and Dad, sharing our daughter as she grew older.

My daughter and I have a bedtime ritual.  When it's time to turn in, she asks me, "Camel ride?"  That's where I get on my hands and knees, get mounted like a camel, and she slaps my rear end and says, "Hut hut."  I then slowly, arthritically, transport her to her bedroom as our unreasonably large German Shepherd follows.  But just last night my former wife emailed me a picture of our daughter on top of an actual camel at the fair taken just hours earlier.  "Finally, a real camel ride," I thought to myself.  I missed the fair because I was working, but at least I got to see my kid smiling atop an actual camel.

So as I'm watching Father of the Bride, I realized just how quickly our little girl is growing up.  It won't be too long before I'm in Steve Martin's position, when my kid comes home one day and says, "Daddy, I've met someone and we want to get married!"  I'm saving an expensive bottle of Scotch for that day.  Please excuse my language, but it quite frankly scares the shit out of me.

When parents are constantly battling each other over their children, they are missing out on the joys of being parents.  Trust me, there will come a day when you will look back and ask, "Where did the time go?"  You will remember the court hearings, depositions, and (probably) large unpaid bills for attorney's fees, but you won't be able to remember your child's first sleepover with a friend or the songs your child sang in a school play.  Why not?  Because litigation takes your focus off your child and puts it on the court process.

Don't miss out on the best years of your life by fighting pointless court battles over your kids.  Take your time and choose a child-focused family lawyer to help you resolve your conflicts and get on with being a good co-parent.

Although a parenting plan consists of many different things, the most frequent area of conflict between parents will be in the area of custody and visitation, or what we now call "timesharing."  Although the terminology has changed, mothers and fathers will still disagree about how much time the kids will spend with Mom and Dad.

Almost everyone who has been divorced or known someone who has been divorced is familiar with the "traditional" every-other weekend timesharing arrangement that has been popular since the early 1970s.  As Dr. Joan Kelly wrote:

"For reasons not entirely clear, the specific visiting pattern of every other weekend with the nonresidential parent, usually the father, became the favored and traditional arrangement for children following separation.  This alternating weekend pattern may have gained favor because it was easy to apply, requiring no judicial or psychological analysis.  It simply divided the child's leisure time during the school year between parents, assigning divorced  mothers all the work of raising children, including discipline, homework, and childcare, and typically excluding fathers from these normal parenting responsibilities and opportunities."

Joan B. Kelly, Developing Beneficial Parenting Plan Models for Children Following Separation and Divorce, 19 Journal of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers 237, 239 (2005).  In the same article, Dr. Kelly went on to say as follows:

"Such guidelines are inherently flawed because of the one-size fits-all standard, and because they do not, in fact, address the best interests of the children.  They failed to consider children's ages, gender, and developmental needs and achievements, the history and quality of parenting, and family situations requiring special attention.  Rigid and mindless adherence to such prescriptive guidelines  most often resulted in those children with a warm and supportive relationship with their nonresidential fathers restricted to seeing their fathers only four out of each twenty-eight days, because of the default use of the guidelines, the same amount of time as for chidlren with a self-absorbed, disinterested, or emotionally abusive father."

The point Dr. Kelly and her peers are getting at is this:  each family is different.  When deciding timesharing issues upon separation of the parents, the portion of your parenting plan that addresses timesharing issues must take into account your individual circumstances. 

Above all, when you separate or divorce, the presiding judge should not care about what you or your partner want.  The judge is only concerned with what is in your child's best interests.

That brings up another question.  Who is in the best position to decide what is in your child's best interests?  A judge, who will most likely have very limited contact with you, as a parent, and extremely limited contact, if any, with your child?  Or you, as a parent, who is in a better position to determine what is best for your child?

The answers to these questions are best addressed by a qualified child custody and visitation lawyer who can find creative solutions to timesharing issues between parents.

A parenting plan is simply a written document, whether agreed to by the parents or imposed by the Court, setting forth how parties will raise their children.  Sophisticated family lawyers have been using parenting plans for years, even though parenting plans were not always required.  However, with the changes to Florida Statute section 61.13, parenting plans are now mandatory.

When the legislative changes went into effect, I received numerous telephone calls from other lawyers asking, "Do you have a parenting plan form that I can use?"  My answer was, and remains, the same.  "I have about thirty of them."  The entire point of a parenting plan is to avoid a "one size fits all" model, which has been discredited over the years by empirical research by child development experts.  Every family is different, so each parenting plan should be customized to address the dynamics of any given family.

Some parents want to be more involved in the lives of their children, some less.  Some parents have individual strengths in certain areas of a child's live, while others have different contributions to make.  In developing an appropriate parenting plan, both parents should try to take an objective look at what they have to offer for the benefit of the children.  This is not an easy task because both parents usually have their own agendas and have a difficult time seeing things through the eyes of their children.  This is the reason why both parents should seek a qualified child custody lawyer to determine what is in the best interests of their children.

When parents separate or divorce, the issues of child custody and visitation are usually one of the most contentious issues.  Each parent, of course, usually wants to maintain a close and continuing relationship with their children.  The fundamental question is, "How do we go about doing that under our particular circumstances?"  The answer to that question is best decided by the parents, who intimately know their children.  If the parents cannot agree, then a judge, who does not know either parent or the children, must make a decision based upon the evidence presented and the law, which is set forth in Florida Statute section 61.13.

In most cases, a court will order that parents "share parental responsibility."  That simply means that both parents have the same rights when it comes to making decisions about their children.  Neither parent has greater authority over the other in making decisions about their children.

Prior to October 1, 2008, when a judge ordered that parents share parental responsibility, the judge usually designated one parent as the "primary residential parent."  The primary residential parent was the parent with whom the children spent the most time.  That parent had "custody" of the children.  The other parent was designated as the "secondary residential parent."  The secondary residential parent had "visitation" with the children.  However, changes in Florida law have abolished the concepts of primary residential parents, secondary residential parents, custody, and visitation.

Under current Florida law, judges will still order shared parental responsibility for the children.  However, instead of  primary and secondary residential parents, custody and visitation, the law has been simplified to reflect that there is Mom and Dad, both of whom are entitled to "time-sharing" with the children.  The parents, or the judge, must then decide how much time each parent should spend with the children.

The allocation of time-sharing is set forth in a "parenting plan," which is required by Florida Statute section 61.13.  In the next entry of this series on child custody and visitation, I will discuss the requirements and benefits of parenting plans.  In the meantime, if you have any questions about child custody and visitation, you should contact a qualified Jacksonville area child custody and visitation lawyer to answer your questions.